Belief is tough. It happens on so many levels. One has to question everything and then place your trust in what you believe.
Religion is a touchy subject. Today I’m not even sure I believe in God. Oh don’t get me wrong. I believe in a super power. The power of Mother Nature. The life force of all creation. For instant, take the humble honey bee. This tiny creature who busily minds its own business and stay focus on getting its job done, holds our life on its back legs. As it collect the grains of pollen buzzing from plant to plant doing a vital job in keeping the planet alive. Yet the humble bee is endangered, a tiny link in a delicate chain of life that once lost can put all our lives at risk.
At the moment the news is full of people doing terrible things in the name of their belief, but belief doesn’t have to be a religious thing.
Belief for me is believing in others. Humans are complex. Yes, I know we all have suffered at the hands of others. I guess you like me and many others have life stories of where we have put our trust in others only to have that trust, broken, abuse or misused.
It’s a lesson learnt.
Life as well as belief is about growing as a person. Gaining knowledge and adapting. For just over two years now my belief has taken a hammering. Those people closes to me know the full story so I shall not be going into the nitty-gritty on here. My belief in my son and our relationship suffered. The person I thought I knew and nurtured disappeared from my life. As a mother you accepted there will come a time your children will let go of the ties of childhood and move on to create a life of their own. You have belief in them making wise choices, that all your guidance will hold them steadfast.
As my mother slipped away from her life here, my son’s life unravelled. His totalled belief in others cause him to turned his back on us, cutting us out of his life. Once his faith in them was complete they then rob him of everything even his sanity.
My hands were tied. I could only stand by and watch helplessly as both my mother and son moved forward onto the next stage of their lives.
Letting go isn’t easy, but while those around me could only give me comfort I had to dig deep to find my belief. In the last three years my son has become a father and I a grandmother. Where others have rejoiced in their title change neither my son nor I have been allowed. We stand together in a shadow world, catching only glimpse of what could be. As my granddaughter, Lilly and, my soon to be born grandson, Logan grow in a world without my son and me, I have belief that there will come a time when they will want to know more about us and seek us out freely without the restriction of others.
Over these difficult times I have seen a huge change in my son. His need for my forgiveness has strengthen our relationship and my belief in him is slowly healing.
Letting go of the past takes strength and courage, but it’s also about growing too. After losing not just the family he thought he was creating, but his home and full-time job my son has moved forward with his life. Yesterday, he brightened my day with good news. He was offered a full-time position working in a local care home.
For the first time in a long time I heard excitement in my son’s voice as he talks about the broken men in his care. Using all his love, kindness and patient my son has to give as a new father, he is now redirected it towards people who are vulnerable and need his patients and understanding. Seeing my son’s confidence and belief in himself restored has helped me find my belief in both our futures.
I’m looking forward to 2017 with restored faith.
Have a great weekend.
Paula R. C.